Excerpts from "Forgiveness is the Home of Miracles" - Robyn Busfield
Robyn is a student and teacher of "A Course in Miracles." During her first year of the Workbook lessons, in 2007, she was inspired to relay her personal journey through the lessons. She shares this personal journey in her new book, "Forgiveness is the Home of Miracles." Below are some excerpts taken from Robyn's book.
LOVE CREATED ME LIKE ITSELF (from chapter 3)
It is another perfect, sunny day in California. I love summer. I often dream of living an endless summer between Australia, Hawaii, and California. We are in mid October, and it is like a glorious summer's day! I just got back from my morning walk along the beach. I saw heaps of dolphins. Actually, it is very surprising if I don't see at least one dolphin on my morning walk. The water is quite motionless in the mornings, making it easy to spot them. They swim along the shoreline, right where the waves begin to pick up some swell. On occasion, I have seen dolphin's swim right by a surfer, within only a couple of yards, while perched on their board waiting for that next wave.
Now I am back at home sitting on my balcony, enjoying the morning sunshine while eating a bowl of cereal. I turn to my lesson for the day. Lesson 67. Love created me like Itself. [WB, pg 113] I read in the second paragraph. We will begin by repeating the truth about you, and then spend a few minutes adding some relevant thoughts, such as:
Holiness created me holy.
Kindness created me kind.
Helpfulness created me helpful.
Perfection created me perfect.
Any attribute which is in accord with God as He defines Himself is appropriate for use. We are trying today to undo your definition of God and replace it with His Own. We are also trying to emphasize that you are part of His definition of Himself. [WB, pg 113, 2.2]
I stop to consider the thought that God is holy, kind, helpful, and perfect. So I look at myself (created in His image) and see that I must also be created as holy, kind, helpful, and perfect. Hmm, then how come the thought fills my head instantly that I am not all these things? Is that my wrong mind beckoning me to remain in numbness? To believe I am not worthy of Love? To believe I am not worthy to be Love? It is sad that I foster these thoughts of myself, and see myself as imperfection. I feel in my heart that I just might be an essence of God's Being and am formed from His Loving existence. But, there is something else inside of me that says, "You are not all that. There is someone out there who is better than you! How can you think that you are close to perfect?" This voice is bigger. This voice of the wrong mind, of the ego, is large. I wish the Voice of Love was larger. So large that I could see my true Identity soar across the sky. I hate the fact that this wrong voice has gotten a hold of my mind. I want to remember who I am! I want to replace these ill thoughts with loving thoughts about myself. It can't be soon enough!
How can I move forward every day with this new knowledge that I am suffering a type of amnesia? That I truly don't even know myself? It is as though someone has cast a spell on me, taken my Identity, stricken me with insanity, and is laughing about all of it. I feel trapped in a body that I don't even know anymore. Is it truly a dream-state? A body that wasn't there, that isn't there now, and will have no recollection when I wake up? How can I continue with life the way it was?
I have a million questions, and all of a sudden there is nobody to answer them for me. Not in the way that I need to hear them anyway! I need to hear the truth from the Truth! I need to scream it from the rooftop so the Truth knows I am ready to hear it. Holy Spirit is the Truth. So I want to know Holy Spirit, and I want to know and connect more fully with Jesus. I need to identify with these figures, for they bear the Truth! I feel for the first time in my life that I have no-one to turn to, and no-one to pose a question to-not out there anyway. I have to turn within in each step, not just sometimes like before, but all the time. I have to face the Truth within if I want to recall who I am. Nobody else can show me the essence of me. Now I realize more than ever that I must look to Holy Spirit for every single answer. I knew before how important it was to listen within. But I still figured that we as humans were important, that we were very real, and that I could turn to another for a mathematical answer that mattered! Now I have to see that we were only sleepwalking and thinking that everything we see is our reality. That 1 + 1 really equals 2! That reminds me of one of Ken Wapnick's CD's, called "When 2 + 2 = 5." If it is illusionary does it really matter if 1 + 1 = 2? Is that really worth giving the time of day to when I don't even know who I am?
If I am holiness, if I am perfection, then where did I get off the "knowing" train? When did I stop believing in who I am? Why did I stop believing in who I am? How can I even begin to remember who I am? I guess I have to forgive everything that I thought I was. And realize that there is nobody out there to blame. I have to forgive everything. And then if I want to remember who I truly am, I guess I have to make way for the Truth to enter. I have to remove all prior knowledge now. I have to forgive everything that I thought happened to me. I have to forgive everyone that judged me. And seeing all judgment starts with self, I have to forgive myself for ever judging myself! I have to forgive everything I thought I knew. I even have multiplication tables to forgive! I guess I better start forgiving.
By Robyn Busfield - Author of "Forgiveness is the Home of Miracles"
A LESSON IN FORGIVENESS (from chapter 7)
The new year is moving by fast. It is 25th February already. A couple of weeks ago I placed my home in Redondo Beach on the market. I am not sure where I am moving to yet; however, I am planning on traveling to Hawaii for 2 months to spend some time writing. I guess after that I will come back to the South Bay and rent for a while. My finances are not so abundant right now and the housing market isn't doing so well with the economic downturn, so it seems a good time to sell my home. And on top of that, a feeling I get tells me it is the right time to move on from this location.
This past weekend at an open home I was truly tested with forgiveness. Saturday afternoon I held my home open for buyers. Toward the end of the day a family walked through. They were a husband and wife in their mid 40's, and a boy who appeared to be about 18 years of age. While the woman continued chatting to me in the living room, the boy disappeared into my bedroom and the man disappeared into my spare room. After they left, something felt weird about the way they had viewed my home. When I checked the rooms, I found open boxes and items loosely lying around on the floor. Well, to make a long story short, they stole some jewelry, and the items they took were sentimental. I had actually removed some valuable jewelry one week prior, however, I had forgotten about these sentimental pieces in the lower drawers of a cabinet in my bedroom.
As soon as I realized what had happened, I knew that this was going to be another one of those forgiveness lessons. I was surprised at how quickly I recognized the lesson and opportunity for forgiveness. It showed me that my work was beginning to pay off. However, with that being said, I still felt a desire to see these people punished.
I began to consider my feelings about the stolen jewelry and asked myself why I felt so upset. I recalled the work I had done in Hawaii regarding attachment versus detachment. Who needs things and who attaches itself to things? The ego of course! I wondered why things become sentimental. Why do we feel this way? I realized it was a decision that I had made somewhere along the way that created an attachment to these pieces of jewelry. To acknowledge the attachment felt good. And to acknowledge that I could indeed detach myself felt even better.
I also realized in the moment that the only way to feel better about the situation was to become detached from the feelings I had about these people. I decided I could keep reminding myself to just "let it go." But the Voice within said no, that won't cut it. If you forget about it, or just let it go, it will silence the wrong-minded thought that attracted the situation; however, it will not heal that same wrong-minded thought that attracted the situation.
I asked Holy Spirit for assistance in understanding how I could heal and feel better. The feeling that came to me said, "You must be able to think about these people and join with them."
I realized this was my opportunity to "forgive." And if I didn't accept it and do the work, then I would only fall back toward the darkness instead of moving forward toward the Light. I held a visual of the people in my mind and tried to see through to their goodness-that of the Sonship. That's when it dawned on me. It wasn't the Sonship in them that robbed me, but instead it was their ego that had robbed me. And who was their ego robbing? Their ego was robbing my ego!
THE SON IS BORN IN SINLESSNESS (cont. from above - chapter 7)
This morning, I sit down to complete my lesson for the day. I am up to lesson 181. And as soon as I begin reading I smile to myself. I trust my brothers, who are one with me. [WB, pg 337] I read on to paragraph 1.2. When you attack a brother, you proclaim that he is limited by what you have perceived in him. You do not look beyond his errors. Rather, they are magnified, becoming blocks to your awareness of the Self that lies beyond your own mistakes, and past his seeming sins as well as yours.
I read on to paragraph 2. Perception has a focus. It is this that gives consistency to what you see. Change but this focus, and what you behold will change accordingly. Your vision now will shift, to give support to the intent which has replaced the one you held before. Remove your focus on your brother's sins, and you experience the peace that comes from faith in sinlessness.
Throughout the day, when I am unable to trust my brother, I am then to repeat: It is not this that I would look upon. I trust my brothers who are one with me. [WB, pg 338, 6.4]
As I begin my lesson the first thought that comes to my mind is of course the people who stole at the open home. Throughout the day they enter my mind again and again. When the mistrust and pain surfaces within I repeat… It is not this that I would look upon. I trust my brothers who are one with me.
I was working at seeing through to the Sonship in them and bypassing the ego. Though for some reason it wasn't always working. Sometimes I would find it quite difficult to do. Then I remembered something that came to me in meditation a few days ago. I was asking Holy Spirit to reveal my Identity as the Son of God. Let me see if I can explain what I felt. It was as though my Spirit all of a sudden extended far out to the horizon but a weird thing happened-it didn't stop. I could feel an unending feeling that somehow continued on forever. I felt no containment. I felt the freedom of a continual loving energy. It felt amazing. It then began to feel very normal, and no longer weird. It felt natural to have no ending. I know this may sound quite bizarre. But that is truly how it felt. Then it dawned on me that this feeling I was being shown was in fact a feeling that presents itself when we become One as the Sonship. If the bodies were gone, then all that would be left is an extension of Love. One Being. One Mind. The ego would no longer be present. That was my first experience in realizing that my brother could actually be "me." That was an amazing moment.
So, today, I decided to revisit this feeling as I did in meditation. I began to feel my Spirit extend from my body. I felt the truth and the love of my Existence. Then I felt myself extend onward forever. That is when it became easier to release my anger toward these people and feel myself extend through them and beyond them. In the next moment I felt that I was one with them. It felt really good. On Saturday I didn't know if I would ever be able to see them in a good healthy light, nor if I really wanted to for that matter. However, this new feeling I have found today is quite incredible.
Each time, during the day, I would repeat my lesson and then think of these people. I initially found it difficult. I still felt remorse and anger toward them. However, after quickly reminding myself to join with them as the Sonship and following the steps I had learned in meditation, I soon found the bad feelings dissipating.
The forgiven are the means of the Atonement. Being filled with spirit, they forgive in return. Those who are released must join in releasing their brothers, for this is the plan of the Atonement. [Text, pg 9, 3.1]
I pause to repeat my lesson one more time before I go to bed. I trust my brothers, who are one with me. I can almost feel that I am moving forward and progressing with some level of forgiveness. Am I all the way? Most definitely not. Though, I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a forgiveness that will increase with time.
I don't want to blame and judge my brothers, no matter who they are or what they are doing to me. I want to heal the wrong-minded thoughts of the ego. And I am learning more as each day passes the only way to do that is to continue practicing "forgiveness." So that is what I am going to do.
By Robyn Busfield - Author of "Forgiveness is the Home of Miracles"
